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:iconevanhenry:
I like it! There are a few places where I think you could trim some of the adjectives, and for an opening chapter it could probably use a little more exposition and maybe some more physical description of the characters, but it really is very good!

I would also add a little more to the penultimate paragraph so it’s not just a single sentence sitting there, and remove the phrase *commonly referred to as* in the graph about Rifel and Duncan.

If you want a critique that is a little more pedantic, the phrase *came about* in the same graph should be *had come about* (read up on the past perfect tense for the boring reasons why).

Again, very good, though, and much better, in fact, than most of the stuff I have dealt with as an editor. :)
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